I came across my notes from Greg's and my trip to Peru today. There is a reason I haven't written about it before now. This trip was in July 2005. For me, the pain of this trip was still too near, until now. I'm not sure that there is anything humorous about them but I'll give you a snippet of the notes. Keep in mind I am laughing now.
The trip started on a peculiar note because there was "civil unrest" where we were going, therefore we had to change our destination for the first four days of the trip. During our detour we found more "civil unrest" and narrowly made it out of town before streets were blocked. We went to areas of Peru that had never seen white people before, seriously. I spoke Spanish to the vendors in the area and they didn't respond... as if we were ghosts. We were the attraction that day.
I made note that our Inca trail tour guide frequently used the phrases "Ladies and Gentlemen", "what happens more" - instead of saying "also", and "for to" which Greg tells me is that our guide was combining the infinitive with the present continuous tense. Example: while a native English speaker would say "A bucket is used to carry water" our guide would have said "A bucket is used for to carry water". He was confusing "for carrying" with "to carry" = "for to carry". His pronunciation of "trail" was "trial". I found this very amusing, primarily because the trail was such a trial for me.
We were doing the
Inca Trail to Machu Picchu where the altitude started at around 9,000 ft. We had spent a few days acclimatizing and chewing/drinking coca leaves and tea to help with the effects of altitude sickness. Greg and I had even brought medicine (that needed to be taken one day before) to reduce any symptoms. Greg decided not to take the medicine, therefore I thought I'd be fine as well. I should know have known better. I get car sick, train sick, bus sick... why wouldn't I get altitude sickness too?
So, we were in a group of about 16 people, 14 of which decided to take the trail to Machu Piccu, two took the train. I wish I had taken the train. But to this day when I am having trouble doing something physical Greg reminds me that "you walked the Inca Trail, you can do this". I have to remind him that I had to be carried and there was talk of a donkey, but that's to come.
The first day was exciting. We had stayed the night outside of Cusco in Ollantaytambo (say that three times fast), woke up early, drank even more coca tea and set off on the bus to the trail head. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach. This was a big trail, the likes of which I had never done. I wasn't sure I was ready for it but was assured that many people had crossed it, including seniors well into retirement. There were porters to carry all of the heavy things. We had two guides to keep a watchful eye on us and help if there were any problems. The group
checked into the trail head at 10:20 am, by 10:50 we were finally tramping.
I remember asking our guide if it's "like this" all the way (meaning steep). His response was "it's flat". Each time we asked we got the same response. Greg and I finally realized he meant that this is their flat... this is Peruvian flat, not Texas flat.
However, a little before we began those butterflies started to worry me. I had been fine the first seven days of our Peruvian trip, suddenly I was feeling strange. I passed it off as just an upset stomach and continued hiking. A few hours into our tramp I was feeling rotten, absolutely green! The asst. to our guide put salt in my water and told me to drink up. I had no idea what this would do, but I thought he must know his stuff and I trusted him. An hour later I started vomiting. The salt he poured in my water was meant to make me vomit (presumably to get the bad stuff out of my stomach), but he didn't tell me this.
Meanwhile the rest of our party was well ahead of Greg and me because I was feeling so crook. When we finally made it to our camp we were given food and our tent was set up. Those porters rock! My memory thankfully isn't that great regarding the food... but these few notes do bring up a few shivers: We were told that we had the "best cook on the Inca Trail", however this is among these other notes "gruel" and "salt soup". Honestly, this was not the best food on the trip.
At 6:45 am on the second day we aimed climbed to 13,851 ft "Dead Woman's Pass". I felt like that woman. Almost everyone in the party had some symptoms of altitude sickness, but nothing compared to the multiple whammies that had been delivered to me. I won't go into details. Towards the middle of the second day I was reduced to practically crawling. I simply couldn't walk more than ten or 15 steps without having a rest. I wanted to lie down and sleep. A member of our party (built like a football player) actually carried me for about 20 yards or so. The air was thin now. It was hard for one person to do this, much less carry another. He carried me a total of two times. The guides talked of the possibility of finding a donkey to take me back down the way we had just come from.
I don't know if I was just so stubborn that I didn't want to go back or the feeling that I was nearly halfway there and it couldn't get worse, but we agreed that I could make it. Seriously, I could SEE the trail to the top, we weren't far. When we finally
did make it to the top we were told that we wouldn't have "lunch" until we made it to the tents. By this time it was 3:30 pm. By now I couldn't tell if I had hunger or pain in my stomach. We had another two hours minimum of hiking to go. The sun was going down by the time we got in (around 5:30 pm). More salt soup, followed up with gruel. Greg's head hit his pillow and he was OUT!
The third day my sickness was lifting (we were at a lower altitude). Today's challenge was the
"cliff of stairs". The entire day was downward stairs at different heights, lengths, etc. My knees, calves, thighs and generally legs were KILLING me at the end of the day.
Some funny moments came from this day. This was the first time in three days that we were able to take a shower. Greg didn't bother, but I stood in line for the privilege. I needed it. Once inside there was a coin timer, a small cubicle and a shower head with electrical wires sticking out of it. The electrical wires were incredibly dodgy looking and had I not seen another woman just come walking out of the same shower two minutes before, I am not sure I would have trusted it. The shower pressure AND temperature varied with the whims of the cuy (guinea pigs) that must have been operating the pump.
After some startling showering I re-joined some of the party near the bar where they were playing cards. Over beers some of the single men in our party started to chat-up girls from another group. One girl had commented that this was her first or second time doing the Inca Trail and the guy said "Do you come to Peru often?". This is what pick-up lines sound like at altitude. Riotous laughter ensued.
The fourth day of the Inca trail was good. I was feeling much better and eager to get this over with. Each morning we had gotten up an hour earlier; we were now up at 4:45 walking in the darkness.
It was beautiful. Equally beautiful was the relief of my feet on the train ride back to Cusco. I have never been so ready to leave a place.
Upon arrival in Cusco our luggage was brought in and piled up in the lobby of our hotel. Greg and I grabbed our key and a bag each. When Greg looked for his bag it was GONE. We thought someone in our party may have taken it on accident, since it was sitting on top of the pile a moment before. We were tired, hungry and wanted a fresh start. We had to wait and wait...We spent two hours asking everyone. Finally we went to get some food. The last place that was open was near the hotel. I chose fettuccine al fredo and an old fashioned lemonade. The lemonade was hot, yes hot, not warm or luke warm... hot in a glass. And the straw in it tasted like beef. I swear. The fettuccine was well, watery, and not cream-like at all. It was also not our best meal. We ordered water and our boy waiter had to run down the street to buy water for us.
The next day we pieced together what had happened. Greg's bag was stolen, a thief had come into the hotel in the chaos of our arrival, grabbed a bag, looking like a porter and exited quickly. No one suspected anything. We spent our only free day in Cusco at the police station filing a report. I AM shaking my head and laughing as I write this. It was the single WORST trip I have ever taken, but I wouldn't have changed it. It didn't kill me.
Things I miss from Peru:
pisco sours ceviche Peruvian style BBQ chicken
private minibus owners which provided public bus service
haggling to buy goods/pay cab drivers
alpacas and all camelids
Inca engineering our new couchsurf friend
Lourdes Peruvian hospitality
Peruvian security Color Things I don't miss from Peru:
crowds of the city
poverty
thieves
roasted cuy (yes, guinea pig)
salt soup
altitude sickness
quinoa (the Inca trail put me right off this)